I'm currently sitting here with a mouth full of pain and discomfort and a tub of ice-cream at the ready. The two are related, though perhaps not in the way you'd expect. You see, I'm gorging on chocolate and caramel ice-cream, at the behest of my dentist, in order to consume something while I recover from a wisdom tooth extraction.
One of my biggest concerns when I left England a million years ago was the health care I would be receiving from then on. I don't have travel insurance and hadn't really planned on getting any. Probably a very foolish thing and something I might try to rectify soon. Anyway, on the flight over to China back in 2006 amongst all the excitement and anxiety, the small thought about my up-coming medical crossed my mind.
To get a work visa in China, employees have to go through a full medical check up also comprising an HIV test. With my then-girlfriend, I was accompanied by a member of staff from the school and taken to the local hospital. Although my colleague spoke some English, I was a little concerned about things getting lost in translation. In this case, I needn't have worried because I understood quite clearly what one of the female doctors was trying to tell me; her hands running over my hairy legs and chest while taking my E.C.G. and grinning like the cat that got the canary! This 'ordeal' was nothing, however, in comparison to another teacher with whom I worked. This female teacher, K, when going for her check up, was told that for the full-body X-ray she had to remove her coat, her sweater and t-shirt. Then she was told her bra interfered with the machine and she needed to remove it. Reluctantly she did so, only to be informed that she couldn't cover herself with her hands, but had to stand with her arms by her side. Up in the gallery, a bunch of medical students looked on with beaming smiles!!
Thankfully, my only real medical problem in my first year in Tianjin was 'merely' a spot of Bronchitis. The air-pollution in that particular city pretty bad and it wasn't uncommon to sneeze or cough and find your tissue full of black gunk. Being told the news about my infliction by a doctor blowing his cigarette smoke in my face was only one of the things that bemused me during my visit to the hospital that day.
Eventually, my Chinese got to the level where I could go to the dentist and get some treatment. Alas, my Turkish has never really taken off, and I was grateful to find an English-speaking dentist in Istanbul. I had been having problems with my wisdom tooth off an on for a while and recently it has started causing a problem for its neighbour. When I went back to the clinic a week after making the appointment, I was pleasantly surprised to find a very attractive doctor waiting to carry out the surgery. A little tip for anyone out there looking to get their wisdom teeth yanked out; find a sexy dentist wearing Fuck Me Boots, short-shorts and a low-cut top! You won't care half as much about the pain and discomfort...
The last time I had a woman in the medical profession up close and personal was in Kyrgyzstan. I had recently taken over a room from another teacher who had left a few weeks previously. At that time I was spending time with a girl, H, who would occasionally spend the night with me (yes, she was a real person and not a spot of artistic license!!). After our first night in the new place, I woke up to find myself itching like crazy. A few hours later, I asked a friend to check out my back and he broke the news that I had a nasty rash all over. The previous tenant had had a bit of a reputation for bringing home 'working' girls and my mind raced with possible ailments. I had never had to call a girl before and enquire as to whether spending a night with me had given her a rash. I hope to never make that phone call again!! :-)
Fortunately, it turned out that it was nothing more serious that an outbreak of bed-bugs. My treatment consisted of going to the nearest pharmacy and getting the super-cute girl working there to give me a shot of something or other on the arse. Three times over three days. It was not how I had imagined being treated by an attractive 'nurse' would play out.
So, as I eat up my ice-cream and wait for my mouth to heal, I can reflect on the luck I have had so far with my life abroad. No serious health problems, but plenty of memories and reminders to not take anything for granted.
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